Who is an independent woman?

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion, and you’re free to agree or disagree with me :)

Recently, I saw a message on my whatsapp group that read – 

“Beneath every strong, independent woman lies a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up & to never depend on anyone”.

 I saw the same picture on facebook too. Many women appreciated the message, but that got me thinking – does it mean that a woman becomes independent only if someone hurts her ( in most cases, a man becomes the villain). I always wonder why people just generalize. 

For women like me, independence just comes naturally. No one has hurt us, neither did we depend on anyone or trust someone so much that we became independent overnight. Our parents just treated us like a human being (with some additional conditions like no roaming out after certain time, no solo trips etc). But overall, we were taught to chase our dreams, and live independently just like a man does. So when I see these preachy messages on independent women, I almost mentally kill those people who post such stuff.
So let us just dissect this independent women theory and find out who is this independent woman.
She is an Independent Woman

An independent woman is: 

Someone who does not ask for special favors: She can swim in the ‘big bad corporate world’ just like a man. She is aware of the glass ceiling, and she will work hard to break it. She does not whine about – just because I am a woman, my ideas are thrashed etc. She will work hard to make her ideas work. Also unlike what was shown in YFilms’ ‘Man’s world’ episode, an independent woman won’t run home when she gets her periods. She works (with or without her monthly troubles) as hard as any human being would do. 

Someone who is just another human being:
-          she doesn’t care if you do not accompany her to the cafeteria or to the movie (she loves her own company)  
-          she doesn’t care if a man doesn’t open the door or pull back a chair for her (she has two hands, she can do it herself)  
-           she doesn’t care if a man of her father’s age sits in the ladies seat  
-           neither does she mind if some guy forgets about chivalry and stuffs his plate first.  
   She doesn’t think too high of herself. She looks at herself as just another human being. 

Not just financially independent but mentally strong too: One of the most common myths about an independent woman is that she earns well and is hence independent. That’s not the case. Even a widowed, illiterate woman becomes independent when she stops sympathizing for herself and starts living in the big bad world. So no matter how much you ridicule Nirupa Roy, you can call her an example of independent woman because she single-handedly raised her sons in Deewar. There are several women like her in real life and they are the apt definition for independent women.

So people, stop putting women on a pedestal. As Salman bhai said ‘mujh par ek ehsaan karna, ki mujhpar koi ehsaan na karna’. We don’t want any extra respect vespect from anyone. Just treat us like a normal human being. If we are truly independent, we will survive.

P.S.: If you really want to show some respect to women – just stop abusing people by using women’s anatomy as abuses. Things can be said without abusing people – try doing that!

Four things to do when you are suffering from the writer’s block…

  •   Have you been staring at a blank document for too long?
  •  Have you been doodling on a page to get random ideas?
  • Do you find constipation to be a lesser trouble than writing something?

If the answers to the aforementioned questions is a ‘Yes’, then tan ta daaaa, you are suffering from a condition called ‘writer’s block’.

I’ve been suffering from Writer’s Block since my school days. Every time I saw my question paper, I went blank. I would see everywhere; panic when someone took an extra supplement and would almost cry while giving the nearly blank answer sheet to the supervisor.

But I still loved writing and took it up as my profession. Yesterday, while going through one of my writer’s block phases, my college buddy – Ankit suggested that I write about it. So here we go, I am going to give you four things to do when you go through writer’s block. I hope you find it useful. Even if you don't, pretend that you loved my article.

Tip # 1: Find some trashy stuff to write about…
 If you don’t find a nice topic, watch a trashy cult film like Gunda, Jaani Dushman, or read an equally trashy bestseller like I too had a love story. Once you’re done, you have enough ‘matter’ to write about.
Psst: You can also write about Set Max’s obsession with Suryvansham and Nayak if you want ;-)
Tip # 2: Sit at CCD and pretend that you are ideating!
Unlike my favourite Udipi restaurants; the CCD guys allow you to sit at CCD as long as you want. So what if you have ordered just one cup of coffee, you can sit there for hours and pretend that you are ideating. Even if you are unable to come up with a nice idea, the ambiance will make you feel better, and who knows you may end up writing about how the smell of coffee wakes up the poet within you.
 Tip # 3: Read Scoop Whoop
Scoop Whoop is a cute, stupid website that enlists some random 10 things about why South Indian girls make a better girlfriend, or 10 traits of a hyperactive friend. There you go! Just find a random topic such as ten styles of dogs doing susu and write about it. Don’t forget to add some aww pictures to get more page hits.
Tip # 4: Twitter it is!
How do you think the newspaper fills its pages? Twitter baba zindabad. Not in a mood to write anything? Just login to twitter, find a trending topic, find some outrageous tweets on that topic, and write an article about it. All you need to do is give a 2-3 lines introduction on the topic and give the screenshots of these tweets with a preceding line: And here’s what xyz had to say about abc…put few of such tweets, and your write-up is ready within 10 minutes.

So the next time, you have a writer’s block, you know what to do…if you have any more tips, don't share them with me. Share them on your blog, see jaate jaate ek aur idea de diya. Sweet me!

Depress Mat Ho Yaar!

Last week, one of my friends Pradeep Ananth wrote an article on depression. It was a first hand account on how he coped with depression last year, and how his family and friends helped him get through the lean phase. Incidentally, few days later Deepika Padukone too spoke about her experience with depression.

Depression is not a new thing. I have heard my friends getting depressed about their career and love life.   But I never took depression seriously. I would simply give some gyaan about depression and tell them to move ahead. It was only after I read Pradeep and Deepika's experience that I realized the seriousness of depression.

Pradeep's article gave me a new perspective on how we can help people who are depressed or what we should do if we are depressed. In this post, I am going to enlist the lessons that I learned from their experiences and the lessons that you must learn too.

Lesson # 1: Never say stuff like 'but you have a great career why are you upset' or 'you have such a lovely spouse, why get depressed?'. This is one of the most common mistakes that I made in the past. We may think that those words will make a person feel better, but it is unlikely to help. Just avoid saying those words.

Lesson # 2: Also avoid words like "look at xyz, they have a worse life than you". I cant remember the number of times, I must have said that to my friends. I used to give this gyaan about count your blessings just so they realize that things are not as bad as they think. But again I realized, it doesn't work.

Lesson # 3: Take up a hobby. Again this was the most random advice I have given my friends when they went through a breakup. Avoid saying that.A depressed doesn't want any unsolicited gyaan from you. All they want is an ear that would listen to them or an empty space where they are left undisturbed.

Lesson # 4: "shaadi karle sab theek ho jayega". This is one of the stupidest advice I have heard someone give my depressed friend. A friend who overheard this remarked, "woh shaadi karega toh suicide kar lega". Indians think marriage is the only solution to every problem. Please stop giving such random advices. A marriage may work some people. But some it could ruin two lives.

Lesson # 5: So what should you do when your friend feels low? Just listen to them. Don't give gyaan, don't interrupt, just allow them to pour out their heart to you. They will definitely feel better. In some cases they may want to be left alone, so just give them space and check on them once a day just to know that they are doing fine.

Lesson # 6: If it's you who is feeling low or if it's your friend who is going through depression, do visit a counselor for advice. We Indians think a psychiatrist or a counselor is for 'mentally challenged' or 'weak' people. But that's not the case. Depression is like common cold, there is nothing to be ashamed of it. In fact, timely help can help a person feel better.

Lesson # 7:  Be supportive. Pradeep and deepika had a strong support system, which is why they have been able to lead a normal life. There are people who get into addictions or take extreme steps like committing suicide due to lack of support. So be supportive. If it's you who is in depression, seek support from your loved ones. Don't be ashamed.

Depression unlike physical ailments are not easily visible to anyone. Please take professional help in case you or your loved ones feel depressed. And the next time you see someone depressed, put aside your cell phone and lend them your ears. Trust me they will feel better. And if it still doesn't work, please follow pradeep anath on twitter and ask him all that you want to know about depression. Deepika might not answer your questions, but he surely will.

From Mary Kaun to Mary Kom

After convincing my friend Sneha for almost a week, we finally saw the Priyanka Chopra starrer Mary Kom. To be fair to Priyanka Chopra, she gave her 100%. Her efforts were visible in the movie. But Mary Kom is more than what was shown in the movie.

For starters, Mary Kom is a woman (women are supposed to be in kitchen, not play ladkon wala games).
She is a boxer. No, not a cricketer, tennis player or even a badminton player… she is ‘just’ a boxer.
Brace yourself for more. She is from Manipur – a super neglected Indian state and she is a poor farmer’s daughter (so no Abhinav Bindra type posh training).

Yet despite all these challenges, magnificent Mary managed to win not one but five world cup championship titles and a bronze medal in 2012 Olympics. A two hour movie cannot do justice to this living legend. While, the director did not put an item song or ‘steamy’ scenes that are ‘vital to the script’ in between the scenes; he had to bow down to commercialization and advertise brands like iodex, tata salt and sugar free.

Moreover, Mary’s struggle was not adequately highlighted in the movie. The second half showed her rigorous practice sessions after giving birth to the twins, but it did not show her struggle after International Boxing Association (AIBA) scrapped the 46 Kg and 48 Kg categories in which she was a champion. It did not show how despite all odds, she participated in the 51 Kg category (the new lowest category) and won the bronze medal in 2012 Olympics. It is definitely not easy to shift to a new category after you’ve gained expertise in a particular one.

However, despite all these flaws, the cast and crew of this biopic should be appreciated, because finally after watching this movie, people will stop asking Mary kaun? They will probably know her as magnificent Mary Kom who made the country proud through her sheer hard work and passion.

P.S: Special kudos to Mary Kom’s husband! Not every man is as mature and understanding as Mary Kom’s husband. Like the old adage goes ‘behind every successful man there is woman’, in this case, Mary Kom’s husband is the man who contributed to her success after she became a mother. So super respect to Onler Kom!