Man, I am proud of you!

Hi everybody,

Firstly, let me thank you all for your response to my earlier post on female’s harassment. Seriously I was really happy to see more of men supporting my thoughts than women (yes out of 7 comments, 5 were from men). This proves that there are many gutsy and nice men around me and not all men are chauvinistic pigs. I am proud of my blogger buddies, especially the men.

Ok, now that I am done with my big, thank you speech…it’s now time for me to talk about another issue that I completely detest. It's about some women who are catty enough to feign sexual and mental harassment just to settle scores with men.

Honestly, I have never come across such incidents till date. But I have heard and read a lot about it. It’s sad especially if the man in question is not guilty. It’s bad because if the supposedly guilty man is innocent; his future, his life becomes tainted and it takes hell lot of time to cleanse his tainted image. Such incients may be occurring everywhere, but rarely are they highlighted.

I wonder what compels a woman to take such a drastic step? What gives her that immense strength to fabricate such a horrific story? Recently, I had come across an article stating the reason behind such incidents. The article (I could not find it on net) stated that when a woman is pressurized by her male colleagues or bosses to work for extra time, or when a woman is scolded in public by her boss or in some cases if the man in question is a public figure and the woman is publicity hungry, she tends to fabricate such stories and gain sympathies and publicity.I do not know how true it is, but it is what I read.

Few years back, as a part of my college project…I had got an opportunity to interview a cop. In the middle of the conversation, he drew my attention towards the never-ending stack of case files on his desk. It was he who told me that cops find it really difficult to distinguish a real harassment case from that of a fake one. When I asked him why, he said this: “arre madam, mahila aandolanwale humein enquiry karne dete kahan hain. Kehte hain kii aurat se aise questions nahi poochna. Toh ab humein kaise pataa chalega kii kaun saccha hain aur kaun jhoota. Cross question karo toh hee pataa chalega naa kii asliyat kya hain”. Translation of what he said: Arre Madam, the Feminist group never allows us to do enquiries. They say we are not supposed to talk to a woman like that. Now how are we to know what is the truth and what is not. Unless and until we don’t cross question them, we shall not know the truth. I told him that if a woman cop is allowed to enquire, sab sach bahar aa jayega. I don't know if he got my point.

I do not know what to suggest to my fellow male colleagues. Because unlike eve-teasing where both men and women know the defence techniques; in such cases, its really hard for a man to defend himself (everyone is obviously going to hold the man's collar first). So I am seriously short of advices (especially when my hawk-eyed senior is hovering above my head to ensure that I work and not chat on G-talk). With my senior looking at the opposite direction, I am typing this out as fast as possible...please men don't take any serious big time pangas with a woman. If you have any kind of issue with your female colleague...go, approach her and sort it out in as professional manner as possible. If still things do not improve...make another female colleague of your's to talk to her. Probably that would work. If you think, there can be any other ways to avoid getting in trouble...do put it in here or even in your personal blog.

Note: I believe in gender equality. Every coin has two sides. So it's not that a woman alone faces trouble...even poor men too are equally susceptible to variety of troubles...so ladeej if you see a guy in trouble, help him out (even if his male ego gets shattered) and men if you see a lady in trouble...gear up and show your macho strength. Afterall, ek insaan hee dusre insaan kii madad kar sakta hain. Anything else...no. Atleast not now when my senior is back to give me a mountain of work :(

12 comments:

Rum said...

Well said.. Im gonna make all my male buddies read this post of yours.. thats included biggie bro Sid too...

Ajith said...

In my office a similar incident happened where a girl accused her colleague of sexual harassment. But when the management cross verified this, they realised that she was trying to take revenge for some other silly dispute.

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

@rum, hehehe thanks.

@ajith, it is indeed sad. It's because of handful of such women...the real victims have to suffer.

Unknown!!! said...

This is one reason am scared of women. Don't even dare to comment on anything. God knows if they take it positive or make a fuss out of it. One should be careful in sending forwards to colleagues also cos even that can be used against him.

A S said...

hii
good post yaar :)

this reminds me of the movie 'aitraaz' starring akshay kumar, kareena kapoor and priyanka chopra. chopra accuses kumar of assault when he refuses her advances. it really happens yaar, not only in offices but in families too. ya I agree, that really makes very difficult for the cops to distinguish a fake case from a real one.

keep writing :D

Shiv Lingam said...

I agree with you thereare 2 sides to a coin (if you consider the thickness actually there are 3). I have seen real sexual harrasment due to which a poor but smart looking secretary resigned, although she had to educate her brothers with that job. The company never took action even when given proof on the so called educated manager monster...so much for "principled" companies in india.

On the otherside we have women who camaflouge their inadequate performance with a blame game bordering on such allegations. The grapevine and the enemies of the poor manager churn such allegations in to ghosts greater than reality.

Normally management principle suggest the "principle of minimum audience" when reprimanding a subordinate. However in case the boss is a male and subordinate a young female, as you rightly point out, there should be a third figure..preferably another woman supervisor / senior collegue...be it in the role of a counsellor or at least a witness. This is the third side of the coin.

By the way i have just added to two of yourother posts (slumdog, recession). Pl take a look

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

i'd have liked to think that women dont fabricate harrassssment tales, that their tales are the product of overactive imagintion or paranoia about being harassed- that it's an instinctive defence mechnism against sexual harrasment. but u say theyb do fabricate maliciously? sad!

raMmY said...

woah!! Good post gayathri!...prudent and so much so applicable in all walks of life. I feel its time now that the "abala" tag is taken off the women now.. Well i guess its a matter of personal discretion on both the sexes of not crossing the limit and behaving like true professionals (rather people). Again people should know how to settle their differences in the right way and not make a fool of themselves and others as well.

Men if framed/guilty of charges like these face a wrath of the entire community (The guy's family also suffers immensely), so women must really be very genuine when going out in public. But if its a serious case, the womenfolk must take action and make the guy pay for it!!

all in all .. matter of Sane Mind on Both the sides!

good post buddy!

cheers
rammy

Parikshith Kumar said...

...please men don't take any serious big time pangas with a woman.

You've got to be kidding, where will I get my daily dose of entertainment from, then? he he

Ok, now coming to the sexual harassment. No I'm not gonna make any comedy out of this one, its a serious issue.Well, I hope the woman who feigns something as grave as sexual harassment and subject an innocent man to trauma, will burn in hell. Do those women realize what sexual harassment actually is? and how millions of women all around the world feel while they really go thru it?

I have no sympathies with such loser women who feign sexual harassment for personal gain. I hope one day they get harassed for real, get to experience it for real... so that they personally understand what they were blatantly lying about in the first place.

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

@unknown, you dont have to be scared of women. not every woman is dangerous. But yes one has to respect a woman...be friendly but at the same time know your limits.

@AS, oh yes Aitraaz was one cool flick that highlighted this point. I loved to hate priyanka in that movie, she acted super-well :)

@ shivlingam...yaa right the principle of management that you stated is something new that I learnt now. Thanks for the info, I shall bear this principle in mind.

@kochuthresiamma p .j, maam probably u are right. But for me any kind of blame game (be it by females or males) is unacceptable. If you are paranoid or feel harassed...u should clear the air. By over-imagining or getting paranoid and blaming a man...u are just posing bigger troubles. I am a woman, there are times when I too feel harassed thanks to the burden of work...but I make it a point to clear it out with my bosses.

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

@rammy, thanks buddy. Yep time has come for women to shed their 'ablaa' nari image. If women (including me) want to be taken seriously and wish to be considered as equal to their male counterparts...we have to put in the same amount of hardwork as the men do.

@parikshith...hehehe like you taking pangas with opp sex is my source of entertainment. As for your serious take on this issue...I respect your point of view completely. Though I feel there has to be counseling sessions for both the sexes thanks to the overwhelming burden of work. Stress is one reason why people especially women feel harassed.

Shiv Lingam said...

Ok,Rub Rub Rub...let me start again

First we take the time machine for a ride in to 2050. Some crazy (great)scientist has invented a remote contol for kids. We take that & come back to present & take all our money and ride back in time to when we were kids.

When Daddy shouts "STUDY" make the volume button in our remote low...result we hear a melodious "study".. When mummy brings us something nice to eat from the kitchen we press "rewind". When teacher asks for homework we press "fast forward". When we are tasting pani puri and see our father coming back from office we press "pause" so we can enjoy the pani puri....When teacher gives us a report card we press "stop" ...now u see why the scientist was "great"?